Hard...Hard...Hard

This week has been VERY hard. I was not able to weigh in a week ago due to some confusion between locations of my WW meetings. I weighed in the next week and had gained .8. I almost cried. I mean really, not an entire pound but I felt like a failure. Strange that I have tied so much to a number. I am anxious thinking about weighing, I obsess over what I eat the day before. Not just for calories but for the actual weight of the food. I am beginning to question the reason I am doing this. Do I find my worth in a number? Does my success or failure as a person equate to a number on a scale?
I took this week off, no counting...thinking it would clear my head. Instead I feel like a rebel. I am eating fudge and cake. Getting DQ treats.
I need balance.
I need balance.
I need balance.
This week I am going to try again. Try to follow the program and not let the number be my worth. I would apreciate any prayers...I believe God cares about this stuff, so if you have a minute I could use the support.

WOO WOO!!!

I lost another 2.2 this week! I am so happy...my total is 8.6 and I am so happy! I was a little worried that I had not done enough this week. I went to the gym 3x and sometimes that can cause me to retain water. Now I am more than half way to my christmas goal of 15.

I have been trying some new tricks with my eating. I started doing puree's of vegetables and adding them to our meals. I want to get more veggies and I get annoyed trying to eat an entire plate of broccoli. I put Acorn squash puree into a chicken pot pie last night. You would never know the difference. I am going to make a meatloaf that takes Carrot puree. I know most of the recipe's are meant for kids but I think we can all use a few more veggies. On another note...I used our food processor to do all this. First time since we got married. It made the whole process so much easier. I am trying to think of more things I can slice or blend or shred.

I am keeping on the same track...hopefully all the beer I will need for civil war will not cause too much trouble. Thanks for the support

Thankful...and still lost.

I am so happy to report I had a beautiful Thanksgiving and I still lost 2 pounds!!! The ladies at the meeting were so happy and surprised. I showed up at exactly 7am...and told them I had tried to be good. Only ate half my roll and one kind of pie. They called me a "stinker"...lol. I guess they were not expecting a loss...or for anyone to show up. I was thrilled! I had made an effort to enjoy the holiday and not make it about eating food. Hard, but not impossible. I thought about the flavors and textures and sights. I thought about how I could have some of all the things I wanted...but not too much. I had some of each thing...but no seconds. One piece of pie with non fat whip cream. I was happy, satisfied and not stuffed. Not ill from all the excess. Proud!

I am hoping to be down 9 more pounds by Christmas...I will keep on posting and I hope someone will be inspired to join me. It is not hard...it just takes beleiving you can succeed. If I can, you can!

I am a Weight Watcher

That is right...I am back at Weight Watchers. I stepped on the scale 11 months after my wedding and I weighed more that I have weighed in 5 years. More than I weighed when I started WW the first time. I was so mad at myself. It was hard to lose those 40 pounds the first time...now I have to lose 42. I have tried to find that happy place where my weight/size do not corrolate with my self worth. I am still searching for that place. I have a spare closet of clothes with a smaller size on them, I want to wear them again. I have a main closet full of clothes in a size I never thought I would wear again. I have never had a behind...when i saw this pic I was surprised and not in a good way.

WW works...I have tried other diets in the last few years and they last about a month and I gained all the weight back plus a little. In my first weigh in I lost a grand total of .4...yes, not even a half. I cried. I know it seems silly but I was disapointed. I reminded myself that I gained the weight over years, I would not lose it in a week. The second weigh in I lost 3.8 for a total of 4.2.

I feel so proud of myself and I feel motivated. Thanksgiving is the day before I weigh again and I am determined to be proud of myself on friday. That may mean I have half a piece of pie, only one roll and lots of salad. I will keep you posted on my progress...all the ups and downs. If anyone wants to join the fight I would love the company!

Unemployed

I am officially unemployed...and happy! I quit my job a week ago and have spent most of the last week cleaning the house...organizing closets...having lunch with friends...hanging with my neice and nephew...and all together going nutty! I have learned that I need to be busy. I have a list of all the things I want to do before I start another job and I am having trouble doing them. I want to be out and about with people. I have trouble being home alone. I thought I could do this until the first of the year but I think I will barely make it to the end of the month! I am going to do my best to get my projects done before Dec 1...hopefully!

Customer service...where are you???

Why does it seem like customer service people are always in a bad mood? Why do they think they need to tell you what you already know but in a really snotty judgemental way? I had this experience today...I called them to rectify a problem that I did not cause. The woman immediatly had an attitude, told me 2 times what I already knew and then said I had to go back to the person who helped me in the store to get the problem fixed. I actually asked her why she was giving me attitude when all I called for was a solution...she did not respond but instead told me again what the problem was. I told her all I wanted was a solution and then hung up on her. I know hanging up was not that nice but serisouly...who takes a job like that and then does not have the common decency to listen to the caller? A pleasant response of you must go back to the branch would have worked...grrr. I had to sit and breath for about 15 minutes after that.

Thank you!

Thank you to all of you for commenting on my last blog. It is really nice to hear how you all feel about your kids. It might sound funny but I am looking forward to feeling all the conflicting emotions of motherhood! As most of you know I am a planner...I have spent years of my life making plans for things I have no control over, like kids! I know when the time is right and R and I are where we are meant to be our little bundles of joy will arrive. It will be the perfect time...and I have no control over it!

Babies...

Discuss! I know most of you have them...I would love to know when and why and how many...mostly I would like your views on being a parent and what advice you would give someone considering them in the nearer future...yes, that person would be me!

Me too!!!

How often we say that to someone and really mean it??
I have a brown purse....me too!
I love Mark Walhberg...me too!

I wish I loved my job...me too!
I wish I was a perfect parent...me too! (i am not one but I can imagine)

It seems like I spend so much time comparing myslef to the person next to me that I forget that they are feeling the same way. The women in the perfect outfit who drives the right car and has perfect hair is stressed out and thinks she needs to improve too.

For all my mom friends who are trying to be the mom that everyone thinks they should be...That "perfect" mom is tired and stressed too.

I guess I realized that no matter what we are doing and how isolated and alone we might feel in our distress there is someone out there who can look at you with sincere eyes and say...me too!

It feels a little better even if it does not change anything.

My dear sister told my I needed to put a new post that was less depressing. I just got this in an email and thought what a good way to get to know me! Feel free to comment with your own answers, don't feel like you have to do them all
1. What time is it? 10:52
2. Where did you grow up? Cottage Grove, Eugene, Junction City
3. Do you have a nickname? Sure do!
4. In a relationship? Yes!
5. Want a relationship? Still looking for my chance with Mark Wahlberg
6. Favorite cereal? Cookie Crisp
7. Want kids? Yes please!
8. Best childhood memory? Mud fight with my mom and sister! So fun!
9. Still in touch with childhood friends? I am…and I know I am so lucky!
10. How old are you? 30
11. Still feel like a kid? Not often
12. Last time you laughed? This morning
13. Last time you cried? Last night watching Extreme Home Makeover.
14. Still friends with your first boyfriend / girlfriend? We say hi when I run into him at my sisters church so I guess so.
15. Best compliment in recent memory? That I was sweet but tough when I need to be
16. Worst dig in recent memory? Who uses dig anymore? I don’t think I want to share that one 17. Right handed or left? Right
18. Last time you called in a favor? When we moved
19. Ever been in a fight with your boss? Yeah…but he told me to be honest.
20. Ever had a roommate of the opposite sex? Not unless you count my hubby…or the 30 guys from the onyx house
21. Last time you swam in a pool? Last month in Sunriver
22. Last time you were in a boat? Can’t even remember…
23. Where was your first kiss? A friend’s living room couch
24. Funniest high school moment? there were a lot of funny moments
25. Do you look like you mom or dad? Combo, I look like my sister
26. What was your first job? Babysitter...and a pizza cook for my first legal job
27. Last thing you cooked? Tacitos from a box
28. Last thing you baked? Chocolate chip banana bread
29. Last person you talked to on the phone? Police officer from the State of Oregon.
30. Last visitor you had? My dad
31. Favorite tv show? The Amazing Race
32. Last time you traveled? 8-26, coming back from our house in Seaside watched all the runners come in from Hood to Coast.
33. Where would you love an unlimited gift card? The Range Rover Store
34. What did you learn from your last break-up? To stand up for myself
35. Can you change your own oil? HA! no
36. Ever had a speeding ticket? For sure!
37. Do you like to dress up? Yes…but not like Halloween, yes for a nice dinner.3
8. Favorite food? Mexican and coffee (I know it is not a food to most people)
39. Least favorite food? Is there such a thing? Raw veggies are pretty much my last resort.
40. How many of your myspace friends do you actually know? All of them

Not Fair

NOT FAIR!!!!
As my sister can attest I have been saying this for most of my life...and it still rings true to me today. No, I am not talking about her borrowing my shoes without asking.

Up here in Portland a horrible story has been in the news for a few days. Two little boys were found abandoned in the back of a car in a stange neighborhood. Their drug addicted and high dad left them in the back seat of the car alone at night. He was later found passed out in a car in an alley.

My heart hurt for these boys...but also for all those people who are aching to be parents. Litteraly using their life savings to have a child. It is not FAIR! These are the moments I question God and his intentions with all of us. How will he use those boys? Why do they have to go through this? Why do some people who want children to love and lay thier lives down to not get them? Why do some people have children they do not seem to want?

It does not seem fair...no it does not feel fair...really it is not fair.


*note: no I am not trying to have a baby...but I have watched many friends go through this hell.

My Husband!

Have I told you how lucky I am? I have the greatest husband...he is

Loving

Kind

Generous

Hard Working

Smart

Gentle

Funny

Strong

Cute

And so much more...

He makes me so happy and I am looking forward to many more years getting to know all the other great things about him!

My Grandma!!

This weekend my dear sweet Grandma came to visit R and I at our new house! She and i had a nice lunch out in downtown Portland, did a little shopping, went to an awesome Garden Center, went to a baby shower and had dinner with my dear husband. It was wonderful to have her with us...especially because Saturday would have been my mom's birthday (we ate a huge dessert together) and Sunday would have been her and my grandpa's 63 anniversary!!

She bought me a rosemary plant..."for rememberance" I plan to plant it in a place of honor in our new yard so that i see it everyday and remember!

I love you grandma!

*sorry no pictures...I am a bit slow and have yet to catch up to my sister with the camera attached at all times.

Hug your kids!

This sunday Ryan and I got some very sad news. On Saturday afternoon, Ryan's friend Bryce Baillie’s wife Robin Baillie had a stroke and passed away. She left behind 2 little boys ages 2 and 4, she was only 28.

This is the kind if news that shakes me to the core. I do not have kids yet but my heart breaks for these little boys and their dad. Please keep them in your prayers and hold on extra tight to your kids!

Gluten Free

Gluten-free...my new favorite words. Just about 2 weeks ago I was confirmed with an allergy to Gluten, Cow's milk, nuts and coffee (I am fighting that last one).

It has been an interesting couple of weeks. On the one hand I feel so much better. No more nausia after ever meal and I am not quite as tired all the time. My nasal congestion has cleared up too! It is great...the down side is figuring out what to eat. Well actually the eating is not as hard as the snacking. I had no idea how often I grabbed crackers or toast or cheese as a snack. Now I am eating rice cakes and these strange gluten free snacks. Most of them look normal from a distance but up close they all resemble that plastic food that you see in asian restaurants. No comment on the taste.

I did find a great magazine called "Living without" and it is all about allergy free eating. It is awesome and I recommend you go and check it out if you or someone you love has an issue.

If you know of any great gluten, dairy and nut free foods let me know. I will try anything at this point.

As for the coffee...I will keep you posted. Right now it is not bothering me and the benefits of having it in the morning much out weigh the chance of withdrawl at this point.

House hunt

So Husband and I are talking about buying a real house. I have loved my townhouse...but it has gotten a bit snug in here since the wedding. Every weekend, just about, we have gone to open houses in the neighborhoods we like...and each week we see things we like. Sadly not one house has had everything. I think I am over thinking it though, I keep imagining spending the next 10 years in these houses and I wonder if I would like to have the fridge right there or the stairs like that or do we want an island in the kitchen? Do I need a jaccuzzi tub? How about a hot tub? Walk in closet? 3 beds or 4? Game room? 3 car garage? Big yard or small yard? Could we pull up the carpet? What if the kitchen was yellow? Granite or tile? Carpet or hardwood? Ranch? Colonial? Split level? Big or little? Does R like it? Do I like it? AAAHHH!!!!!

This process reminds me of dating...I would meet someone and think...if his hair was a little different or he dressed better or was nicer, I think I could see myself with him. Once I found R I knew that feeling everyone talks about is real...you just know. So I am waiting for the house that we walk in and I just know that I can could marry this house and be very happy and content to burp and not wear makeup in it!

Grandma!

My Grandma is the greatest!

She is...
sweet and sassy
kind and generous
beautiful and graceful
funny and gentle
loving and strong

she truly gets better with age, and she now has a blog!
I hope you will read it and learn much from her!
http://darlinggrandma-thisandthat.blogspot.com/

I love Soda!

I am not sure I have ever really expressed how deeply I love soda...pretty much all kinds. I would rather have a soda than water any day. I like it bubbly and flat, ice cold and room temp. with breakfast, lunch and dinner. In a can, a cup or a bottle. I prefer a 32oz big gulp with a straw but 12 and 24 will do in a pinch. I can drink it fast or slow....if it was ok I would drink it at the gym. I know my skin does not glow like my sister who drinks water above all else and perhaps someday I will see that it has caused all my indigestion, vision and sleep problems but for now there is just too much love!

I love...and will drink before anything else
Diet Coke
Black Cherry Vanilla Diet Coke
Diet Dr Pepper
Diet Pepsi
and yes in that order

If my #1's are not available, before water I will most certainly select
Diet Root Beer
Diet 7-up or sprite
Any fruit flavored soda

When I am dying of thirst and there is nothing else available I will drink
regular Coke and Regular Pepsi

Lemonade and fruit juices are just above hot dog water for me...so next time you have a party and want me to come, tell me there will be soda!

I hate my clothes

Do you ever have one of those days where you are tempted to call in sick to whatever you have to do becuase you hate everything in your closet and would rather go back to bed than try to get dressed? Perhaps it is the 5 additional pounds since the wedding or the fact that I have 5 pairs of work pants in rotation and I barely have time to have them cleaned before I have to wear them again. I wish I was a suit person, you know those people who wear suits everyday and all they have to select is a shirt...but suits are expensive. Or, a dress person. If I could just put on one thing not a combo of matching items. Oh to have extra money to buy new pants, I would go to Jcrew and say one of each in a tall and be so happy!

What do you do when you have one of those days?

Has the media gone too far?

Ok I am sure you all yawned at that title...no I am not bashing tabloids or magazines, I love my magazines and www.popsugar.com! What I wonder is if they have taken us too far into the world of our celebrities? I was watching greys anatomy last night feeling tortured for George and his dad and oh so sad...and then he held Kali's hand and I thought "oh wierd...isn't he gay?" no joke. And then Burk comes on the screen and I am mad at him...but not really Burk...but him, the real life mean name caller him.
Seriously, we know WAY too much about the real lives of these celebrities and it is beginning to ruin my shows. I have started watching 90210 reruns because I don't know anything about their real lives...except that shannon dougherty is a biatch, but then so is Brenda so that works for me. I may have to start taping all the shows and watching them in 10 years when they are all has beens and are no longer on Ellen and the Golden Globes.

Has the media ruined any of your favorite stories?

Is this the end old friend?

sad news has come, an old friend may be no more. Yes, we have all seen it coming, tired sad eyes, extreme weight loss, no longer returning our calls. GAP, what happened to you? rumors are swirling that you have an illness with no known cure. Could it be so? Could we be seeing the end?
For all the good times....an Ode to you friend

May there always be a pair of reverse fit jeans in the way back of my closet.
Cozy sweatshirt may your zipper never break.
Perfect khaki pants may your seams never split.
Those wonderful add on socks may my toes never poke through the end
Cute perfect tees in every color may you never fade
I will hold these items while i can...and the memories, forever.

Good bye old friend!

How much do I love this?

A group of cheerleaders were knocked from thier purch in middle america this week and who of us does not smile just a little bit?

In high school I was no where close to being a cheerleader...in fact I was about the size of two of them...and it always bothered me the way they flaunted around in their little skirts and sweaters acting as if they did not have a care in the world. I am sure they did, like which guy to date and how tan is too tan. I think this situation shows a sign of how bad things have gotten. Aparently these girls where openly defiant of teachers and parents. Talking on cell phones in class, when they were there and supposedly bullying their coaches. It is appalling to me where things have gone...is anyone else sick of it?

When was the last time you were driving and got cut off by a teenager talking on a cell phone and pretty well ignoring everyone in the world. Or turned on MTV to watch some spoiled brat complain that her Daddy was unable to buy her some famous rapper for her party? Or how about the last time you were able to go to a movie and not have a bratty teen get up and down 12 times to talk on the phone or chat with friends? How about trying to wrangle a child and bags and had a teen run through a door ahead of you and not even pause to hold the door for you?

I admit it...I am getting to the age where I understand why my dad and mom where so addament about us having manners. May you all raise children who open doors for people and sit quietly at a movie!


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/01/07/wcheer07.xml

I am so OVER IT

This...hopefully...will be the last time I comment on this for the rest of my life.

DONALD TRUMP is an ASS...sorry but he is. I just want him to go away. I actually changed the channel on Entertainment tonight becuase they kept showing him. I am officially boycotting everything Trump from here on...I am actually going to do research to be sure I know all the things so I don't say that and then stay at some hotel and realize he owns it.

Oh he is just such a blow hard!